How You Can Help a Friend Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted/Raped

Be supportive by listening and taking what your friend says seriously. Avoid "why" questions; they can make the survivor feel judged.
Let your friend know the assault was not their fault. Many survivors will blame themselves for not preventing the assault. Challenge this belief with the message that the fault and responsibility lie with the perpetrator, not the survivor. This is true even if your friend engaged in risky behavior.
Encourage your friend to seek medical attention, and offer to accompany her or him to the medical clinic or hospital.
If you want to hug or touch your friend to show your support, ask if this is okay first. Remember, the survivor was violated and did not have control over what was done to his/her body. In asking if the survivor wants to be touched, you begin to help your friend take back control and avoid any re-traumatizing.
Allow your friend to make her/his own decisions about whether or not to report the assault, who to tell, etc., but offer options (see Resources). Support those decisions, even if you don't agree with them. Taking back control is an important part of the survivor's healing process.
Allow the survivor to share what he/she wants when he/she wants. Don't pressure your friend to share information before he/she is ready, and don't judge her/his actions leading up to, during, or after the assault. Regardless of what the survivor was wearing, drinking, etc., the perpetrator is responsible for the assault.
Offer resources (See Campus and Community Resources). Your friend is entitled to support. Ask if she/he would like to speak to an advocate, mental health professional or other person(s) they trust.
If the survivor thinks that she/he may want to report the assault, or at least keep that option open, it is important to preserve all evidence. Methods for preserving evidence that you can share: Don't wash, shower, or brush your teeth. If you have to change clothes, keep the clothes you were wearing in a paper bag. Do not launder items from the area where the assault occurred, e.g. bed sheets.
Get support/consultation for yourself. You deserve it.

Disclaimer: The information provided here is not intended to diagnose, treat or provide a second opinion on any health problem or disease. It is meant to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between an individual and his/her clinician.

Last Revised: September 2004

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